Lord Of The Rings Rule Them All Slots
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Galadriel: (speaking partly in Elvish)
(I amar prestar aen.)
The world is changed.
(Han matho ne nen.)
I feel it in the water.
(Han mathon ned cae.)
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I feel it in the earth.
(A han noston ned gwilith.)
I smell it in the air.
Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.
It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf-Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power. For within these rings was bound the strength and the will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for another ring was made. Deep in the land of Mordor, in the Fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged a master ring, and into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life.
One ring to rule them all.
One by one, the free lands of Middle-Earth fell to the power of the Ring, but there were some who resisted. A last alliance of men and elves marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the very slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle-Earth. Victory was near, but the power of the ring could not be undone. It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the king, took up his father’s sword.
Sauron, enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated. The Ring passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the ring of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur, to his death.
And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, it ensnared another bearer.
It came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there it consumed him. The ring gave to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of Gollum’s cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived its time had come. It abandoned Gollum, but then something happened that the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire.
For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all.
One ring to rule them all.
One ring to find them.
One ring to bring them all,
and in the darkness
bind them.
The one ring. The most powerful ring created in Middle Earth was crafted by the Dark Lord, Sauron, in the fire that’s also known as Mount Doom. It was created to exercise control over all of the other rings of power. Sauron hoped to gain lordship over the elves and all the races in Middle Earth.
Now I’ve wondered this. There were 19 total rings. Three rings went to elves. Seven went to dwarfs. Nine rings went to men. So now, under the Dark Lord Polis who do you think has those rings? As a dwarf it’s clear Kyle Clark has at least one of them. I think the Dark Lord gave The Denver Post a ring. Tay Anderson has a ring. Clearly Councilwoman CdeBaca has a ring. Norm Brownstein has a ring. It looks like Brittany Bowlen is about to get a ring. Leroy Garcia has a ring. Ian Silverii and Brittany Pettersen have to share a ring because they’re married. John Hickenlooper, one of the enlightened dwarfs, will probably get his ring back in November. Don’t kid yourself, Cory Gardner is not an elf. The traitor Republican turned Biden supporter Ryan Call has a ring. Ted Trimpa has a ring. As the King of men, Phil Anschutz has a ring.
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I know you’re all thinking, who is the Gollum? It’s Michael Hancock. He had a ring but he lost it.
Remember, Gollum was once a hobbit, which leads us to hobbits. If you are a true Tolkien fan, you remember when Frodo and Sam get back from the great adventure the Shire has turned into a homeless camp. Unlike the movie, in the book at the end the Shire looks like the State Capitol in August.
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If you’re out there searching for a good wizard as in The Return of the King I don’t think Colorado has one. You and I spend our time looking for Gandalf and we keep coming back with the one ring that can control them all. So using his ring of power, Polis now rules high school football can begin again. Your Denver Broncos can play again but John Bandimere has to stay shut down. Certain restaurants can open, certain cafes must close. So the Dark Lord picks who wins, who loses. Businesses that open and businesses that need to go. The Dark Lord is never indecisive, his leadership is all bold. As it gets colder now how will dwarves and elves be able to eat outside without the blessing of the Dark Lord?
And remember, one ring to rule them all, one ring to find them. One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them in the land of Mordor where the shadows lie. The State Capitol. The ring can’t be tossed away or forgotten about. It always returns.
— Peter Boyles